Below are three articles, written and edited by me, for websites that no longer exist.

The dynamic within a parent/child relationship is probably the most complex relationship known to us. Bringing a child into the world, and in turn, being that child, there comes feelings of empowerment, loyalty, trust, and adoration, among other prideful sentiments. Sadly, however, there is just as much room, if not more, for manipulation, ego and neglect to exist as well. Being a parent can mean being a protector, a best friend, a caregiver. Being a child can mean being a burden, ungrateful, a drain to resources, etc. This relationship, more often than not, cannot exist without the idea of someone knowing best, becoming a point of conflict. There will always be a desperate want to have control over the other’s outlook. Whether it be a child, wanting to break free from the shackles of being under a parent’s control, or a parent, feeling that they have the better judgement, and knowing what’s best. Perhaps this is a negative view of such a sentimental relationship. While I don’t feel the parent/child relationship is inherently harmful, the possibility for these relationships to break out into these battles is never too far from reach.

There are two films that, I feel, deal with these ideas so intricately, yet ferociously, within their final few minutes. Those being Autumn Sonata, directed by Ingmar Bergman, and Lady Bird, directed by Greta Gerwig. Heavy spoilers to follow.

Autumn Sonata absolutely broke me, showcasing one of the rawest depictions of a parent/child relationship ever seen on screen. Charlotte (Ingrid Bergman), a classical pianist, stays with her daughter, Eva (Liv Ullmann), with whom she shares a very damaged relationship. Charlotte has a long history of neglecting her daughter, for fame and life on the road, igniting feelings in Eva that she has had bottled up for her entire life. Over one long night, Eva finally opens up to her mother about the feelings she’s been harbouring for so long, leading to a complete deconstruction of the parent/child dynamic, in search of a future for them both.

While the film starts out quite cute and tender, it slowly unravels itself, causing it to nearly break under its own weight. With the knowledge of the rest of the film, the first half hour is consistently stretching out the tension between the two characters, who are both showing constant restraint, until cracks in their demeanor start to show. What I find fascinating (and possibly slightly traumatic) is the lack of understanding from Charlotte. No matter how much is spelled out to her, no matter how undeniable her neglect was, she will always bring her work back into the conversation, often knowing exactly what piece of music she was playing on any given night, and using that to remind herself of what promise she broke at that time, showing the prioritisation of her work over her children.

There is so much to pull out of their conversation, but what hit me the most is the ending, in which after everything, Charlotte still leaves first chance she gets, not showing any remorse or even accountability. Yet in her absence, two heart-breaking things happen: Firstly, Charlotte is near breakdown on the train, trying to get her manager to distract her with constant praise and chatter, so she doesn't have to dwell on what's obviously affected her. This is ridiculously upsetting, showing that she feels so much guilt and is so afraid of coming to terms with her own shortcomings as a mother, yet she didn't let her daughter see any of it, still pushing the agenda that she's done nothing wrong; Secondly, Eva, after finally releasing to her mother, all of the trauma she's had to deal with, and will forever have hanging over her, nothing has changed. She feels no release, as there was never fault admitted, and her feelings weren't validated. However, instead of seeing this as a reason to distance herself from her mother, she sees it that she has again, pushed her mother away.

The ending is made to seem hopeful, in that they may makeup someday, but it's so much more tragic. Eva has reverted back to how she was in the beginning, completely submissive and under the thumb of her mother. Instead of seeing her mother as a hopeless cause, she says she will fight for a chance to see her again before she dies and to make things right. It's genius to end the film with similar dialogue to the opening, as the film is a complete circle: We see her pining and worrying over reconnecting with her mother; Charlotte arrives; tension rises to a point of explosion; Eva finally says everything she wants to say, hoping for Charlotte to admit fault and validate her feelings; Charlotte leaves, once again neglecting her daughter; Finally, we see Eva pining and worrying over reconnecting with her mother again, just as we started.

Eva might as well still be a child, anxiously waiting for her mother to return for a few days, even though she knows it will only lead to disappointment and anger. I often dislike movies that have the message of "always forgive family" or "you only have one family". Sometimes family can be the most damaging people in someone's life, and the idea of always forgiving and always trying to see past things just to have a typical 'loving family' is a horrific moral obligation to push on anyone.

Lady Bird, however, explores the parent/child dynamic differently. While there’s still feelings of control, tensions reaching a boiling point, and a large distance between the two at its climax, Lady Bird feels much more hopeful, than the devastating ending to Autumn Sonata.

Lady Bird tells the story of Christine (Saoirse Ronan), or, as she prefers, ‘Lady Bird’, finding herself in her final year of high school, and trying to map out the rest of her life. She is also in constant conflict with her mother, Marion (Laurie Metcalf), who is trying to keep Lady Bird’s aspirations realistic, due to her many fears, including the idea of losing her daughter, as well as the family’s financial situation. Most of the conflict between the two comes from Lady Bird wanting to make her own decisions, wanting to “live through something”, wanting to make mistakes and find herself away from her hometown, etc. While her mother is afraid of losing respect from her, as she tries to maintain an air of knowing what’s best for her.

One line that really stands out at the end of the film, comes from Lady Bird’s Dad, after secretly sending Lady Bird the discarded letters Marion was trying to write to her daughter. He explains that Marion was self conscious of her writing, and was scared of Lady Bird critiquing it. She spends so much of the movie trying to get Lady Bird to want to reach her full potential, to weigh up her options and become the best version of herself she can be. Through this, she often puts down Lady Bird's abilities, trying to seem like a role model for her daughter, who has everything together and knows best. In this moment though, she shows her vulnerability, but also her confidence in Lady Bird to know better than her. She's scared Lady Bird will see her mother's flaws and possibly even lose respect for her. It's not so much that she wants to have control over her daughter, but be her guide and a sense of wisdom. She's realising she can no longer provide that, and is scared of the dynamic being flipped around.

They're both such stubborn characters, that obviously have so much respect for each other, yet it kills them to show it. The final moment of the film sees Lady Bird leaving a heartfelt message for her mother on the family answering machine. I often think that Marion was there, listening to her daughter's message while she was leaving it, and was about to answer just as Lady Bird hung up the phone. Almost acting as a bookend to the start of the film, where, while both in tears, they glance at one another. However, they just miss each other's eyes by only a second. They constantly want to share a glance, that certain glance to let each other know how much they care. However, they always seem to just miss one another.

The endings of these two films pose interesting viewpoints on the parent/child dynamic, specifically, the relationship between mother and daughter. Autumn Sonata offers a conclusion of devastation, and repeating cycles of a child, conditioned to forever submit to the hope of her mother’s love, no matter how much neglect the mother offers. Lady Bird, while having a very different dilemma within its climax, has a similar idea, in creating a distance between the characters. A distance for them to come to terms with their feelings on one another.

Autumn Sonata has the mother in turmoil, no matter how hard she will try to deny it, and the daughter in denial about the future of their relationship. Lady Bird ends with the mother in a state of possible regret, trying to mend their relationship, but feeling powerless to do so, and the daughter still craving her mothers love and support, however, on new terms. While both films end with the daughter pining for a relationship with their mother, Autumn Sonata gives us no hope of a functional love between them, even hinting at the idea that they may never see each other again. Lady Bird, however, is left open-ended. Through Marion’s discarded letters and Lady Bird’s voicemail, we see that they both have gained the ability to view their relationship in a new light, they just have to finally share that glance.